Bewitched, Bothered, and BeWiffied
by Howard Russell
Summary: Willow comes up with the perfect plan to capture Xander’s interest during the love spell. Runner up for the “Best Episode Rewrite” in the seventh round SunnyD Awards.


**Bewitched, Bothered, And BeWiffied  
Howard Russell**

Set in the second season, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered."  
Rated PG-13.  
Dialogue taken from "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" written by Marti Noxon.  
This is a pseudo-challenge pseudo-response. While perusing the archive of the BuffyWantsWillow group I saw a years-old semi-challenge to write a fic in script form. No internal thoughts at all, just dialogue and stage directions. Well, I don't like the script format so it's in a normal fic style. But there are no thoughts explained; infer whatever Wiffiness you like.  
While many have asked for a sequel, I have none planned. I like that this can be fit into canon as a replacement for the original episode or be taken as the start of a new AU—it's entirely up to you.  
This diverges just before Buffy enters the Library to seduce Xander.  
Special thanks go to Angela, my beta.

* * *

"It's not raining out," Willow muttered to herself as she shut her locker. With a confused look, she tracked Buffy walking past. Buffy was dressed in black high heels, stockings, and a short, black raincoat. She didn't even seem to notice to her best friend standing there.

Willow stalked Buffy down the hall. She kept out of sight as Buffy approached the library doors and entered. The swinging door stopped with a thump. Willow rushed down the hall as quietly as she could, then slowed as she got close enough to hear the muffled voices from inside.

"Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?" Buffy's voice softly carried out into the hall.

Willow moved to the window in the door and peeked in. From her vantage point, she could see Buffy's back and, just past her shoulder, Xander backing away from her.

"It's not that I don't want to," he pleaded. "Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now." Xander backed into the stairs and suddenly dropped out of sight. "Not like this. This isn't real to you."

Amy approached Willow's side, "What's going on?"

Willow turned, her misery plain on her face, "Buffy's gonna get Xander. And there's nothing..." She took a shuddering breath, "I-I can't compete with **_her_**."

Amy turned angry eyes to the window, "Let's see about that!" She pulled the door open and slipped past the card catalog.

A surprised look appeared on Willow's face, then she followed Amy into the library.

The two girls approached the scene being played out on the stairs.

Xander was trying to placate the angry slayer, "Buffy, please calm down."

"I'll calm down when you explain yourself!"

Amy broke in, "Get away from him. He's mine."

Willow took a step away to the side and glared at Amy with her arms folded across her chest.

Buffy turned and stepped towards Amy, "Oh, I don't think so." She looked back, "Xander, tell her."

"What? I, uh..." His frightened gaze flicked between the three angry women in the room.

Amy cut in, "He doesn't have to say. I know what his heart wants."

Buffy focused her attention on Amy, "Funny, I know what your face wants." She lashed out, punching Amy in the nose. As Amy fell to the ground, Buffy turned back to Xander, tight with anger, "What is this, you're two-timing me?"

Xander gaped as he searched for something to say. Amy rose up, her nose bleeding and her eyes black as pitch. Her hands moved to conjure the mystic forces as she cast her spell, "Goddess Hecate, work thy will—"

Willow snuck up behind her and slammed a heavy tome against her skull. When Amy crashed to the floor in a heap, Willow glared down at her, "No dangerous magics around **_my_** Xander!"

Buffy took a menacing step towards Willow, "You think you can make a play for him too?"

Xander looked at his two best friends with fear in his eyes. Then he bolted from the library, escaping through the stacks.

Willow took a fearful step back, "No! I—" Her shoulders slumped in defeat, "I already did." A heavy sigh, "Yesterday. He ran away from me." She squared her shoulders and looked up defiantly, "Just like he just ran away from you."

Startled, Buffy took a quick look around the room. She swung her head back, "**_You_** chased him off."

Willow shook her head, "I **_heard_** him, he turned you down just like he turned me down." An evil smile spread, "But I've got an idea."

Giles entered the library, Jenny Calendar in tow, "What's going on here? Where's Xander?"

Jenny just looked at the girls hopefully.

"We don't know...so...we'll...go look for him." Buffy grabbed Willow's hand and started to drag her to the door.

Giles intercepted the duo, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. You're both under the influence of powerful magics."

Buffy turned and glared at the unconscious Amy, "Something slay worthy?"

"Good lord!"

As Giles and Jenny rushed over to the fallen teen, Buffy pulled Willow out the door.

* * *

Xander rushed out of the building's exit and right into the path of an angry mob of girls. He ducked back in through the door and peeked out the window. "Great, they didn't put **_this_** in the brochure!"

When he was sure he hadn't been spotted, he retreated further into the school. As he got close to the faculty lounge, he spotted Cordelia under attack by her Cordettes. He rushed in to rescue her, barely able to pull her loose from the mob. They ran for the side door.

* * *

Buffy and Willow were walking down a residential street, hand in hand. Willow was still wearing her purple top and dark slacks with Xander's shirt tied around her waist while Buffy had changed into her alternate outfit: a pale blue button-up, short-sleeve over a white, low-neck top with a maroon mini and matching boots.

"Don't I—not trying to be critical here—recognize that outfit from somewhere?"

Buffy ducked her head sheepishly, "Uh, yeah. It's what I wore when I first met Xander." She got a dreamy expression, "He asked me, 'Can I have you?' and now I really want to say yes."

Willow made an exasperated gesture at her own clothes, "I don't have anything like that." She pouted for a moment then brightened, "I think my mom might still have the jumper I wore from when we dated."

With an amused smile, Buffy asked, "Okay, so what's your idea?"

Willow took a deep breath before she answered. "Well, first off, Xander thinks I'm under the influence of this evil spell. Which I'm totally not—I've been in love with him for years. I just finally had the courage to tell him about it." She sighed and rolled her eyes, "Now of all times, when there's some creepy spell around so he doesn't believe me."

Buffy gushed, "Me too! Well, okay, not the 'in love for years' part, but the 'really in love' part. I finally realized what you always saw. And he told me it wasn't real."

"Right! So we have to convince him that, sure, everyone else is under a spell, but we're fine. We're totally normal and everything."

"So that's what we'll do." Buffy paused for a second and her brow furrowed in confusion. "Since when did we become a **_we_**?"

As confidently as she could, Willow said, "Well, I was thinking. First, he turned **_me_** down. Then he turned **_you_** down. But I know Xander. There's no way he could turn **_us_** down."

Buffy was shocked, "Us? As in you and me, us?"

In a timid voice, with worry on her face, Willow answered, "Well, uh...yes?"

"You and me and he? The three of us, together?"

"Uh, yeah. That's kinda what I was thinking."

The two girls continued walking in silence for a few moments. One with a confused expression and the other pensive. Willow kept glancing at Buffy as they walked. Buffy just kept staring straight ahead, lost in thought.

Willow started babbling, "Okay. I know it'll be weird and all because we're best friends but I was thinking that it might make it easier for us in a way. I mean, I already know you and trust you with my life so I should be able to trust you with Xander. I know you'll treat him right when I'm not around and I hope you can trust me the same way. I mean, it's **_Xander_**. If I can't have him all to myself, I'd rather share him with you than let anyone else have him." Her expression darkened, "I couldn't live with that."

Buffy looked over at the expression on Willow's face, then nodded, "You're right. You're my best friend, Wil. I can share with you. Anyone else touches him and they die."

"Darn tootin'!"

The two continued down the street, both wearing bright smiles.

* * *

The pair were standing on the sidewalk outside of Xander's house. "So how do we get in?"

"Getting in isn't the problem." Willow gestured to the car in the driveway, "The problem is his mom's home."

Buffy furrowed her brow, "Color me huh?"

"Well, the spell seems to be affecting **_all_** women. What if his mom is too?"

Buffy made a sour expression, "A world of eew to that thought."

"I know! So we gotta get rid of her."

Struck by inspiration, Buffy said, "We could tell her where he is. If she's under the spell, she'll wanna be there too."

A confused Willow said, "Okaaaay. But, one, we don't know where he is and, two, we don't **_want_** her where he is."

Buffy smugly replied, "So we tell her where he isn't. He's not gonna go back to the library any time soon so we tell her he's there. She takes off and we're all alone where we know Xander's gonna be."

"Wow, good plan. If you put that kind of thought into your homework, I'd have some competition."

"Ha! School's nowhere near as important as Xander."

"Got that right!"

The two girls walked up to the front door.

* * *

The duo entered Xander's bedroom, awe on Buffy's face. "I can't believe I'm really in here."

"It's great, isn't it?" Willow spun around, taking in everything, "Like being wrapped in a Xander cocoon."

Buffy wistfully said, "Yeah."

Willow's face grew fearful, "Uh, Buff? I was thinking..." She swallowed. "Uh, maybe we should, uh, practice? You know, before Xander gets here?"

Buffy just looked at her in confusion.

"Uh, well. What we'll need to do to get Xander is, uh." Willow looked at the floor, "By some, uh, **_interaction_** between ourselves."

"What do you mean?"

"He's-he's not **_just_** gonna want to be with each of us. He's gonna want to watch us with each other too." She looked up pleadingly, "We'll **_have_** to."

"So. You and me without the he."

Willow nodded.

"Well, how much will we have to, uh, do?" She paused and tilted her head, "With each other."

"Pretty much everything we can do." She shrugged. "I know what sites he visits. He likes to see two girls doing...uh." She just raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

Buffy just looked surprised, "Oh."

Willow panicked, "I'm not saying we'll have to jump right in with the everything. We can kinda work our way up. See where our limits are."

"Right...okay. So where do we start?"

"Well, we could start with a kiss?"

Buffy, thought for a moment, then nodded, "Okay, makes sense."

The two stepped close together and there was some confusion as they both went to put their arms around each others necks. They paused then both tried for their waists. Buffy shook her head, "Wait."

Willow dropped her arms.

"You're taller." Buffy reached up and placed her arms around Willow's neck. Willow nodded, then reached around Buffy's waist and pulled her close.

The girls stood still for a moment, getting used to the intimacy of the position.

Buffy took a calming breath then said, "Breathe, Wil."

Willow closed her eyes, took a shuddering breath and nodded. Opening her eyes again, she said, "Uh huh."

"For Xander," Buffy said quietly. She closed her eyes and tilted her head. Then she leaned in with her lips pursed.

Willow watched what Buffy did, then closed her eyes again and whispered, "For Xander." Then she leaned in towards Buffy.

Their lips met and they shared a brief, tender kiss. The two broke the kiss together and they both pulled back to see each others reaction while maintaining the loose embrace.

Buffy smiled, "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Not at all," Willow answered. "I was afraid that both of us being girls would've made it kinda icky but it was pretty good actually." Her face grew worried, "For me anyways. How-how was I? Uh, to you?"

Buffy's eyes grew wide, "Oh, you never..."

Willow shook her head nervously.

"I wouldn't have known." She could tell Willow still wasn't reassured. "It was good for me too."

Willow's smile brightened the room.

"But there's even more kissing to show you. Xan's gonna want the tongue kiss thingy."

"Oh, okay!" Willow promptly closed her eyes and leaned in again.

Buffy smiled briefly at Willow's enthusiasm before leaning in to meet her.

They met again and quickly the kiss grew steamier. Willow's hands began to roam across Buffy's back as Buffy entwined her fingers in Willow's hair. Time stretched as the embrace grew more passionate. The girls broke the kiss but didn't separate, just leaned their foreheads together and panted.

"Wow. That was..." Buffy took a deep breath. "You sure you never?"

"Uh uh. I was just following your lead."

A predatory smile appeared on Buffy's face, "Xan's not gonna know what hit him. We're gonna knock his socks off."

With an evil gleam in her eye, Willow added, "And other things."

"Just knowing how hot this is gonna make him is getting me excited."

Willow beamed, "Me too! I'm not worried about this at all. I just think of his reaction and it's easy. Fun even."

Buffy got her dreamy smile again, "Yeah." Buffy broke their embrace and stepped back. "Okay, that went well. What else should we practice?"

Willow blushed and looked at the floor, "Well, I-I think, um, that he's gonna want..." She looked back up and steeled herself with a deep breath before she continued, "Nudity."

At first Buffy was a little shocked, then her face grew more thoughtful, "Makes sense. It's gonna be scary enough with him here. It'll be easier if you've already seen me." She quickly unbuttoned her shirt and hung it over the back of the chair. Not even pausing, she faced Willow again and quickly pulled off her white top. Again, she carefully draped it over the chair back.

"Wow," Willow said with awe in her voice. "You're so confident."

"I'm not, really." Buffy stepped over to the other girl and took her hands in her own. "I'm scared out of my mind and running on pure slayer bravado here." With a gentle squeeze, she said, "Remember, we're here to support each other. We're doing this for Xander."

Willow took a deep breath, "You're right. I can do this. We can do this."

Releasing Willow's hands, Buffy put on a mischievous smile, "You wanna even things up here?"

Willow looked a little confused.

Buffy looked down at her bra, then pointedly at Willow's chest with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh, uh, okay." Very nervously, Willow slowly lifted her own shirt over her head, then clutched it to her chest as she removed her arms from the sleeves.

With her hand on her hip, Buffy said, "Come on, let's see."

Willow made two abortive efforts to drop her arms before she could actually do so. Looking down at herself she made a self-depreciating sigh and said, "With you in the room, it's not like he's really gonna look at mine anyway."

"Will you stop!" Buffy looked quite stern, "You've got a great figure. Quit picking on yourself."

"Yeah, great figure," Willow said with no enthusiasm. Rolling her eyes she muttered, "Stick figure." With a dismissive shrug, she tossed her shirt on the floor.

Buffy took Willows hands, "You're beautiful! You've got to stop being ashamed of yourself."

Willow's look radiated disbelief.

"How many times have I told you you're beautiful?"

Willow didn't answer, just looked sheepishly at the floor.

Buffy got stern and she raised an eyebrow, "Are you calling me a liar?"

Willow looked back shocked, "No! Not at all." She returned to her defeated tone, "It's just...you might think so but Xander never did."

"That's not true. We've talked and he does think you're beautiful. He just kinda pigeon-holed you as a 'just friends' in his mind." It was Buffy's turn to look sheepish, "Just like I did him." She perked back up, "But, hey! I moved my pigeon and tonight, we'll move his!" Releasing Willow's hands, she reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, "And if we're both already naked when he gets here, he won't 'just friends' either one of us again." She draped her bra on the chair behind her.

* * *

"Where the heck is Xander? We've been practicing for..." Clutching the sheet to her chest, Buffy leaned over Willow to see the bedside clock, "three hours!" She flopped back onto the bed. "He should have been here by now." She turned her head to Willow, fear on her face, "You don't think he fell for someone under that spell thingy, do you?"

Willow, lying on her side, facing Buffy, reached out to smooth back Buffy's hair, "Buff, if he turned you down 'cause of spell worries, who would he not?" She curled back up on her side, "You were the only one I thought really had a chance."

Buffy turned on her side to face Willow and smiled tenderly, "You're so good to me. I'm **_so_** glad you got this idea."

"So am I!" Willow showed her happiest smile. "I was so afraid this would get awkward at some point. But it's been great! I can't wait for Xan to get here so we can show him everything we've done."

Buffy grinned back, "After all the comments he's made, I know he's gonna love seeing us together."

"So what should we do now?"

"Practice some more? If he walks in on us mid-practice, he'll go completely non-verbal."

Willow leaned in toward Buffy, "And if he can't talk, he can't say no."

"Exactly." Buffy closed the distance and met Willow with a passionate kiss. Under the sheet, they drew their bodies close together.

* * *

"Um, Diana, goddess of love, be gone." Giles added a pinch of herbs to the potion, "Hear no more thy siren's song." He held the pendant over the mixture for a moment, then let it fall. There was a burst of orange energy as the love spell was broken.

* * *

The two girls froze for a second, locked at the lips. Then they frantically separated as far apart as they could while staying on the twin size bed.

Buffy looked Willow in the eye and firmly stated, "I don't remember anything, do you?"

Clutching the sheet to her neck, Willow violently shook her head with her eyes wide with fear. "Nope, not a thing."

* * *

Grrr...Argh.


End file.
